In response to Barbie Q.

I am saddened that my attempt to explore my fear of condiments was both unsatisfying and disappointing. I also apologize to anyone else that was led into believing that I was going to answer the age old question of why.

"I think that my disappointment is due to the fact that I was under the impression that Dan was about to reveal the reasons behind his fears. In his second paragraph, he briefly notes that one reason he is afraid of ketchup is that as a child it reminded him of blood. His next sentence tells us, however, that "this does not explain everything." Between that very suspenseful sentence and the fact that he starts telling us a story, beginning with his childhood, I feel I was led to believe he would continue exploring the reasons occurring throughout his life that led him to develop this ludicrous phobia."

With sentences such as "this does not explain everything," I was trying to convey that my fear of condiments is largely unexplained and that I do not even understand it. The truth is that unlike a two hour long movie or some trashy 150 page mystery novel, my life has lasted 21 years and it is impossible to pinpoint exactly what caused me to feel this way about condiments and what measures should be taken to change things. There have been quite the number of occasions for me to interact with condiments and tweak my views and opinions of them. My best guess is that everything really began with me thinking that ketchup looked a lot like blood at the age of 3, but that is an extremely oversimplified answer to the question. I can remember countless small incidents that have shaped my view, such as my fifth grade teacher, Mr Parsons, uttering a comment one day about how mayonnaise was pointless and unnecessary and was only good for clogging arteries. As a small child, actually, I had a small appetite and I used to throw out all kinds of excuses to try to get out of eating my dinner, perhaps I found some success with this one?

Or perhaps I really just hate the taste of condiments. I remember being 4 years old and being forced against my will to eat a hamburger with ketchup by my cousin Eddie and his wife Sally, who did not want to be held responsible for me not eating any food under his watch. I ate it and even attempted to enjoy it, but I still hated it a good deal and gagged some. It was after eating this hamburger, that I realized I could cry on command and I utilized this skill for my first and only time in order to strike some guilt into my cousin for not listening to me when I said that I hated ketchup.

As far as mayonnaise goes, there is a joke that my father has been telling me since I was a small child that he continues to tell me to this day and it goes "You can tune a piano but you can't tune a fish." The word tuna fish had always captured my imagination and I was very excited to try it. I remember the day that I found out I would finally try tuna fish and how excited I was, and how I actually ended up stealing some before it was served with our dinner and finding it creamy, intoxicating, and disgusting. I ended up running to the toilet and spitting it out and dry heaving. I know that that may have been from the fish and not the mayonnaise but at this point it does not matter, because the mayonnaise has taken the blame.

There are countless other incidents where I've tried to give condiments a chance and came to the same conclusion. There is actually a certain smell that I used to detect on people's breath that I absolutely loathe and I was sure it was from ketchup because I would always smell it after I ate McDonald's with that person.

Another possible reason is that words have a strong influence on the foods that I eat. This may be a ridiculous issue that warrants another blog entry describing, but the word mayonnaise sounded repulsive to me before I had even tried it. As does dressing and relish. It is arguable that the name of the food may, indeed, have a larger impact on me than the actual taste, and I actually am confident that I can adapt to most tastes if I am thoroughly impressed by the name of the food.

I do like the word ketchup and the word catsup but when I see that it is a tomato based food containing high fructose corn syrup, that just seems wrong to me.

Wikipedia says that "Disgust is thought to have its origins in (and in some cases to be identical to) instinctive reactions that evolved as part of natural selection for behavior which tended to prevent food poisoning, or exposure to danger or infection." Perhaps the a large part of reason that I cannot enjoy a whopper in the way that it was intended is just because I have leftover footprints of the same evolutionary defense mechanisms that would have saved my ancestors from eating a festering carcass and they are still kickin'. Perhaps they kick a little more for me than they do for others .

Then, there are other reasons. Maybe my stance against condiments grew stronger as a result of people trying to debate it with me. Maybe I enjoy the attention that my aversion to condiments brings me at the dinner table, after all, I do often find it to be a good thing to talk about when I can't think of anything else. Maybe it is a rebellion against my older brother and my parents and an attempt for me to not be a copycat. Maybe I get some satisfaction at "fighting the good fight" even if it is against no one in particular. The truth is, I have thought of and forgotten many different explanations for why I dislike condiments while writing the ones I have just listed.

He goes on to say, however, that he also feared 'salad dressing in all of its forms, mustard, and mayonnaise,' and then doesn't even begin to let us know why he would actually fear such beneficial things. I can understand disliking them, especially as a child, but a fear seems completely unwarranted, and he doesn't even 'go there.'

Perhaps fear is too strong a word and I am guilty of being a bit dramatic for the sake of trying to make my posts sensational. On the other hand, for as long as I can remember, I would have a serious problem if any of the substances on my list left any visible trace on my food that I could identify, no matter how small the amount. I would really have to remove that part of my meal and place it somewhere far away so I might not accidentally eat it. If the ketchup bottle was near me at the dinner table, I would usually poke it disgustedly until it was at a distance that I perceived as safe. I would never touch a salad that wasn't dry. I avoided these substances because they were sticky, fragrant, and overwhelming and, perhaps, they reminded me of ugliness. I would say that these behaviors indicate that my feelings towards these substances went beyond the simple "dislike." Once again, to answer why I felt this way is pretty impossible and irrelevant in my opinion.

Whilst I am on the subject of Dan's supposed fear of salad dressing in all of its forms, I must note that I know for a fact that Dan enjoys Subway's Red Wine Vinaigrette. This is most definitely a salad dressing, and he not only does not fear it, but he likes it. This leads me to believe that Dan is a dramatic and exaggerating individual and that for this reason he has blown up out of proportion a common childhood dislike/distrust of condiments.


I swear that I really would not touch any sort of salad dressing until I was exposed to Red Wine Vinaigrette dressing two years ago at a quiznos at Jog Road and Lantana in Lake Worth, Florida. I had always liked vinegar and oil, and my mom pulled one of her usual tricks on me and told me that it was just vinegar on the sandwich. I gradually grew to like it. Does this mean that there is actually still hope at eliminating or at least shrinking my aversion of condiments? Maybe.

You will notice in the post that I do not mention salad dressing at all besides when I am talking about my childhood. I do not deny that my condiment rules are subject to change and are arbitrary. For example, at some point in my life, I developed a great affinity for Buffalo sauce and would dip anything I could into it. I would say that a fine buffalo chicken sandwich remains one of my favorite meals. Many people will try to point out to me that Buffalo sauce is a condiment just like ketchup and mayonnaise, but I don't care, for I know that the phobia is irrational. I only really use the word "condiment" because I do not want to list russian dressing, ranch dressing, ketchup, mayonnaise, relish, mustard, bleu cheese, sour cream, etc... every time I am talking about what I hate. The truth is that there are some things that I like that may fit into the category of condiment or salad dressing and I have long been aware of that, and it will take a lot more than some simple observation to blow my mind and change the way I feel about things.

I also did not ever know that a childhood dislike/distrust of condiments was common and would like to know how you came upon that information, Barbie.

Another question that the posting raises is how Dan did not notice that his brother had slathered shaving cream all over his door handle. How could one not notice this? How could one not see that, especially during childhood, when one's range of vision is much closer to the height of a standard door handle? I do not understand.

I would say that a lot of movement and navigation that I do on foot has always been on autopilot with my mind elsewhere and little attention to the details of my surroundings. I was actually so spaced out in first grade that my teachers wondered if I was suffering from learning disorders or mental disabilities and confronted my mother about it.


I hope that you achieve satisfaction through my answering of these questions, Barbie Q. And thank you for accepting my fear of condiments even when you disagree with it and dislike it.

for even further reading on the subject, click on these links:

http://groups.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=groups.groupProfile&groupID=102624188&MyToken=e1682648-26fa-45af-b9f8-098a4d7e6b19

http://www.unusualphobias.com/Foodspage.html